The Canal Where I Ran

I never considered myself as a runner. I am intimidated by it. Intimidated by the physical and mental strength to do it. I was afraid of it. I have not entered an official running race out of fear. Fear of not completing. Fear of being last. And now that I contemplate on it. There really are so much more things to fear about. Not running a race :) and yes, will update one day that I have actually signed up for one.

We all have our lives designated as pre and post-pandemic. My pre-pandemic life is pretty much confined indoor. Gyms provided that safe space and community to accomplish my physical goals. When abruptly, the gyms closed. I could not let myself not have a physical activity for extended period of time because I can feel the toll not just on my physical well-being but my mental well-being as well.

I have finally surrendered to what everyone is doing during the pandemic, which is to go out and run. Well, first I walked, then I jogged, then after a while I run.

I miss running. 2021 had proven to be the best year of running for me. I logged 500mi for the whole year. I was disciplined, I was improving and most of all. I felt strong. All the intimidation I feel were somehow getting overcome.

My go to place to run is the Kyrene Canal. It is a patch of dirt alongside a water distribution system that delivers water to farmlands across the valley. It is not glamorous, but more utilitarian. It is a never-ending path that has pockets of charm and miles and miles of ground to cover. The canal snakes through many parks, golf courses, fake lakes, industrial compounds, and at one area above a busy major state route. On a perfect spring morning, the Harvest Moon hides behind the south mountain, it's enormous size and orange color could be mistaken for a sunset. It is home to many hummingbirds that takes in the juices of the morning dew, and ever so curious follow you as you go through.

Summer time prove to be challenging in desert. Running in the summer is quite uncomfortable, and could be dangerous. Many runners experience heat exhaustion and dehydration. Something not to be taken lightly. In the summer, the canal is quiet. There will be walkers very early in the morning, but the foot traffic falters even before 6am. Summer is a break for everyone anyway, even the canal needed a break.

In the Fall, the canal welcomes back the regulars who tried to hold on to spring weather and shorten summer by pulling their might for fall weather to come. After all, most are early risers. And the mornings become a reprieve, a reminder of the good running weather to come.

In winter time, the canal is witnessed to the frost and the fog. There will always be that one week every year when it is the coldest. The darkest. But, I trust the canal. I knew every bush, every tree, every big rock, every turn. I can run the canal with eyes closed and I know I will be safe.

The canal was my happy place. I miss running. I miss the canal. I miss the person that I was in 2021.

Much like pre-pandemic. I find it difficult for me to go back running. I am unsettled, there are so much I don’t know about where I am right now. So much I do not know where to go right now. One thing I know for sure is that I find comfort in it, I find solace in, running. So maybe it is all inside me anyway, I just needed to lace up and start. Maybe with a walk.

Staying still doesn't feel good. Traditional wisdom taught me to face it, sit with it, simmer in it, feel all the feels. But this feeling of staying still is all but consuming. I want to run away from it all. Feel that wind in my face, sweat dripping down my head, my muscles aching, my feet scorching. Feeling all the feels.

I want to run away from the baggage I carry. Run towards the lightness of a mind free from burden and weight of staying still.

I want to start running again to see new places, explore new paths, pave a trail that will be a witness to ever changing seasons and every changing moments to be had.

I want to run again, to feel my mind freed from thoughts other than one foot over the other. A quiet mind. A steady pace. Body and mind at peace.

I want to run again and witness the seasons changing.

Move with the wind, move with the world, move with time.

Embrace the change and be one with the change.

The moon over the canal waiting for the sun to rise. Reminding us all that even in darkness of the night you find the light. Let the moon guide your run in this dark time. A few miles down the road the sun will shine.